Babies please…

For the love of all that is good and holy, PLEASE stop expecting things from your POT or SD that he isn’t giving you. By that I mean listen to the late and great Ms. Angelou and believe that man THE FIRST TIME.

Stop swiping on men whose profiles say “no hookers, no sugar babies” and then complain how they reacted when you bring up allowances/expenses.

Stop going on dates with men who tell you that they don’t like fancy places or they like the simple things in life and then get upset when they bring you to a sports bar and grill to eat wings and watch the game.

If I learned anything at all from online sugaring, it’s that men show clues about their lifestyles in their pics. We all know men are masters at the word game, but if his lifestyle doesn’t LOOK like it lines up with what you want, DON’T ENGAGE HIM. Too many of you sit there and look at his job description and see one nice watch or a nice car or God forbid THE BEACH (which is a trap for FL babies, but that’s the topic of another post) and swipe right. Then y’all try to become Nancy Drew and get him to talk about his job, y’all look him up on Facebook, y’all google median annual salaries for dental hygienists or financial analysts, y’all look up the net worth of their companies, find out he makes a little money and think you’ve got it in the bag because he swiped right on you too. NO! I promise 95% of y’all who do this will end up dissatisfied or let down when you realize what he’s willing to give you doesn’t match up with what you want from him.

How do you fix this and stop talking to 100 men before you find one or two with actual potential? You have a couple of options! You can either:

1. Get off the phone and freestyle. Success rates increase dramatically when you do. But I get that that’s not always the best option. If freestyling doesn’t work…

2. Swipe SMARTER, not HARDER.

Think about the reason why you want to be a sugar baby. Think of what you expect to get out of these relationships. Then, swipe right on a man who embodies that.

Do you want to travel, see different places, stay in the finest hotels? Swipe right on men who have photos in Paris, in Tokyo, in beautiful hotel lobbies. Don’t just take him for his word. Swipe left on the men who say “I love to travel” but 4 out of his 7 pics are shirtless pics in the gym. As a matter of fact, swipe left on those men anyway. They’re trash.

Do you want to eat at the finest steakhouses, drink the finest wines, eat the finest sushis? Swipe right on men who are taking pics in those kinds of places. Swipe left on the men who only have pics with beer bottles and ale pints in their hands. Trust me, even if he’s a millionaire, y’all don’t want the same things.

Do you want the best connections, school all paid, no student debt? Swipe right on men who take pics at work/at business meetings/with other professional looking men, look at the school he went to and swipe right if he went to a good one. Swipe left if he went to community college, never mentions work of any kind, OR if he just calls his work “business” and never elaborates. A lawyer will have no problem saying he’s a lawyer, and I generally don’t trust men who say “I’m there for business” and can’t say what kind of business he does (i.e. “You know, just office work” 😒🖕🏾). Even if he’s a millionaire, if he only went to community college and no further, y’all probably don’t want the same things.

Basically, if he doesn’t spend money on certain things for HIMSELF, don’t expect him to spend that money on you. Rich or not, men are either super stingy with their money or super smart with it. That’s why they have so much! If he doesn’t like to travel, he’s not going to pay for you to travel. If he doesn’t like to shop, he’s not going to pay for you to shop. If he doesn’t value education, he’s not going to pay for yours. Plain and simple.

All in all babies, I implore you to stop taking men at face value, even if he’s worth $10mil and makes $500k a year. Remember that money =/= generosity. Believe these men when they tell you who they are THE FIRST TIME, cause chances are he told you even if he didn’t TELL you. The point of this rant-post is that I want us to sugar smarter in 2018. I don’t want to see babies (aspiring, new, or otherwise) asking how to make men they want do ABC or why the men they have won’t do XYZ no matter how much they ask. Part of the game when finessing these men is to weed out the ones who CAN ACTUALLY BE FINESSED. Meaning, NOT ALL MEN ARE SD POTENTIAL. And of the men who are SD potential, NOT ALL OF THEM ARE THE KIND OF SD YOU NEED. Just think about that. Sugaring (and sex work in general) is hard, but we don’t need to make it harder than it needs to be for us by abandoning common sense whenever we think we see green. Don’t worry about “missed opportunities” and start worrying about wasted time. I’m turning 23 this year and when I look back at my 5-year on and off sugaring journey, all I can think about is how much time I wasted on men that I didn’t need to waste time on, not how many opportunities I might have missed. Either way, that money isn’t in my hands 🤷🏾‍♀️

Last note: Even if you don’t agree with me, I still want us to at least agree to take a holier-than-thou, I’m-better-than-you attitude when it comes to these men. Many of them aren’t worth our time. Let’s stop giving it away to them so freely.